My life is full of heartfelt cliches:
“That’s amazing, are you excited?”
“That’s amazing, are you nervous?”
“Such an opportunity. Good luck!”
“I love you. Goodbye.”
To all I smile, say yes,
And occasionally cry.
But the real answer to anything everyone says:
All that is either here or there,
And right now I can be neither.
Because what’s “there,”
I truly don’t know.
“Here” almost everything stays.
What else goes?
Three suitcases, in navy
With tags from Emirates Air
And a sticker from Russian Security
Not my favorites, but
What can be used the most.
I packed them aware
I would hate them in a year.
I do like a couple items though:
Dark skinny jeans that I wore nonstop last March in Peter
A tight party dress I’ll probably never wear,
Socks just knitted by my mother.
I’m taking more than clothes though.
For example, a toothbrush.
And mugs, magnets, mittens.
Hardcover book of poems. A bag with fringe. Bangles.
Raincoat, resilience, my ever-present rings.
Scarves, skirt (long for orthodox church)
Skill in speaking Russian.
Dictionary for when those skills fail.
A deck of cards. Documents. Denim. Differences.
Delicacy, because a new life is fragile.
An only rarely forced smile.
FaceTime for people “here,”
Facebook impressions of people “there,”
Faces in a photo album to bring my “here” to “there.”
Confusion. Boxes of contacts. Clarity and vision.
The knowledge that I’m making a life-changing decision.
I know I’m forgetting
Some necessary stuff.
But the funny thing about “necessary”
Is that you can replace and create stuff.
I’m bringing me.
I’ll strive for the courage to see
That I am enough.