Memorable moments

Each month we have to fill out anonymous quality control surveys for the program. The most recent survey included the question: “what is one memorable thing you did this month?” I was horrified when nothing came to mind. Nothing special, that is. I went to class. I read. I ate dinner with my family. I went to the theater a couple times. I made a birthday cake. I hung out in my friend’s sauna (while escaping the Romanian-language birthday party). Am I a terrible exchange student? Where’s the adventure, the what-a-great-experience-your-gap-year-in-Moldova-is? Why can’t I think of one moment in the last 30 days when I did something unforgettable?

Then I realized that the most memorable thing about this month, and the most memorable thing in general about my recent experience in Moldova, is conversations. Once I thought of this, I immediately reproached myself for undervaluing it. Caroling with my host brothers on New Years and getting lost on an abandoned kolhoz (soviet-era collective farm) in the snow are nice and all, and are certainly the anecdotes I will rely on when acquaintances want a 60-second answer to the question “How was Russia??”, but they are far from the most important memories. After all, conversations most neatly combine everything I truly want out of this gap year: learning Russian, sharing cultures and contemplating life. So here are 10 of the most memorable conversations I’ve had recently. This, of course, is only a tiny sample, seeing as I probably spend about 2 hours a day on average involved in some sort of “deep” conversation. (Come to think of it, I probably can thank the lack of adventure for that; my day-to-day life doesn’t leave a ton to talk about.)

Discussing career-family balance with my host dad. Conclusion: don’t give up family for your career, or you will end up feeling unfulfilled and will drive away your husband by being too controlling.

Discussing career-family balance with my host mom. Conclusion: don’t give up your career for your husband, or you will end up feeling unfulfilled and controlled by other people.

Ranting about geopolitics and over-focus on history with my friend. Opinions here are rarely moderate- either Russia is evil or America is evil. While the American is evil argument is not phrased this way, it certainly has Cold War flavor. The Russian is evil argument is more blatant: usually backed by the “we suffered under Stalin and Stalin is evil, Putin is basically Stalin” argument. Geopolitical problems, created. Out of nothing really that substantially exists in 2016.

Defending America’s dominance in the world to my teacher. On a test. Each week we have an oral component of our test, and one week my topic was American’s external politics. I said my bit, and then she started asking very pointed questions, like “Does one country have the right to dictate its will to the rest of the world?” For whatever reason I made the choice to complicate my life and answer yes, every country has the right to seek practical ways to defend and expand their interests, as long as they are not not in violation of international law.

Exchanging views on religion with a couple of my friends. Before coming here, my circle of friends was a liberal salad. Views ranged from moderately liberal iceberg to very liberal kale. Discussions usually centered around the degree of dark-greenest of leaf that balances healthiness and palatableness. Now my circle of friends includes, say, plums. Which means conversations about topics like politics and religion have suddenly become much more interesting. Also, for the first time I’ve had the opportunity to explain what Quakerism means to me from a religious point of view, not just the school tour “At the Friendly school, we interpret Quaker values in x y z way and love meeting for worship!”

Attempting to debate the existence of Israel with my friends. I say attempting, because we were just getting somewhere (our conclusions: it probably “should” not exist, but neither “should” America, and regardless it a moot point. And now the way to deal with that is…) when my friend’s host dad came over and asked if he could join us. By join us, he meant that he wanted to begin a photo-imbedded lecture about how awesome of a country Israel is.

Musing about the changes in our personalities and our names (and our weight…) with a friend. What exactly is different and whether it matters, and whether the changes will stick. Conclusions tbd.

Hearing about the war in Ukraine from someone whose family fled it. My friend has had a rough past few years, moving around and dealing with her father’s death.

Listening to any recollections of my host parents’ childhood. From frosting made from melted ice cream (there was no milk at the time in the city) to a dog that protected my host dad on the walk to school and low-quality shoes that did not protect my host dad from the walk to school, you would think the conclusion would be the opposite of what it is: “We were happy. We thought that out of the whole world, we were the children that lived best.”

Complaining about our frustrations learning Russian. In Russian, of course. I don’t think we’ve ever stopped to fully appreciate the irony of the fairly frequently spoken sentence “Мой русский ужасный сегодня. Не могу говорить.” (My Russian is horrible today. I can’t speak.)